This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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