he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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