I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
