The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
