So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
