Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
