chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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