someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
