it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My dick has a subreddit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
