So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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