hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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