im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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