Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
