If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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