I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
