I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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