My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
