my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
