cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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