Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
