the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
