It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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