i think my tv is drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
