so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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