That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
