Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
