toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
