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• (210): View more from Texas

  I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight

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• (949): View more from California

  I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

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• (207): View more from Maine

  It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.

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• (818): View more from California

  You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that was on purpose.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.

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