Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
