Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
