ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
