all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
