I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
