maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
