i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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