Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize