Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
