I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
