Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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