walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
