he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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