why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
