He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you would pick up someone in the library
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
