He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
