never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize