I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
