Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
