Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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