I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
