Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
