I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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