just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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