I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
