I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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