Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
