i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it because I queefed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
