i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
