It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
