I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
