if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
