Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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