Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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