I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
