just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
