I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
