Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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