i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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