Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
soo... how was my night?
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