Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
