Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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