I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
