When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
