remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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