I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
