im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
