This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
not ubering you a puppy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
