Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
