i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
