Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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